A Creative Screw-up

Blog 1 - 6/2/2025

Returning, the flight was a sluggish attempt to relax, I never did.

Drinking coffee and drawing NYC construction workers fix some issues, thats the way a trip should start.

Really good Pizza and Joe's Pizza too in the Manhattan area.

I think when a creative has a goal, they imagine the scenario in which they are fulfilling it. It’s that hope, dream and ambition we lose throughout the years and in the creative process. I want to talk about screwing up what you’ve waiting your whole life to do or accomplish. Oh yeah, I royally messed up.

1998 - Rushmore

Directed by Wes Anderson, an overly exotic director and creative in the scope of both the arts and film. It’s this time, my brother and best friend Tommy, would be glued to this small VHS installed Television in his room. Rushmore… what is this?

As a young kid, I hadn’t been exposed to a lot of diverse films, mostly PBS shows and movies by t.h.e. Family films. Look, Tommy got his movies, clothing, and style from his much older brother Adam, who was always a jerk growing up. We were punk kids, though. This dynamic pushed Tommy to search out creativity. Rushmore was a creative explosion.

Most films run with the characters having some sort of redeemable quality, but Wes doesn’t play by that rule. In fact, I find myself falling in love with the most hated of characters, or just Willem Dafoe. When I sat and watched this movie with Tommy, we would gaze at the hilarious characters in a beautiful vision. I saw a world open up for Tommy that gave me great joy.

2001 - Just a couple years later* The Royal Tenenbaums

Don’t worry, I’m not giving a review or listing all his movies, but they are a timeline I’d like for you I to keep in mind while reading. This movie would show me a strong and interesting array of characters like Margot and Pagoda. Female characters are always portrayed perfectly in my book by Wes. At this time, Tommy and I would be devoted to the artistic vision by Wes Anderson and the amazing cast he always involves like Bill Murray, Angelica Huston, and now in present day Benicio del Toro.

Present Day - The Phoenician Scheme - Screwed up my chance

I’m in the Green room where actors and directors get ready to sneak into the theater and do Q&A’s and such. Nervous and anxious. I’ve learned that my life has weird luck at times, so I trusted I’d be able to talk to him. After watching the movie, they spoke and went into the Green room, I followed because I needed my bag. Wes had disappeared and I began to leave with my wife. Well, that’s where 27 years got screwed up royally.

See, Tommy died a few months back. I was supposed to protect him and make sure he enjoys his life creatively, but that option is forever lost. There’s a lot to the story here, but I’ll save it for another time. It’s that I haven’t dealt with this kind of tear in my fabric of life before, someone so… me. So seeing that I’m now in NYC, backstage and able to meet him, it was this closure I wanted to have.

If I was able to say to Wes Anderson how much Tommy loved his creativity, and his movies were bad ass, then I think it would be my way of saying goodbye. Well, I am walking out and Wes is walking directly to me, I say “Wes, your, I mean, Uh, Your movie, that was a phenomenal movie.” Then I awkwardly walk away. Face flushed red, eyes scattering around and time felt so absent as I regretted immediately that I froze up and didn’t tell him about Tommy. Maybe that’s why I’m writing this, I want to let you know that being a CREATIVE isn’t something cool, rather it comes from these deep hardships we experience. I think we take it harder than man, as our minds are world builders and conspiracy experts with infinite creativity.

Nonetheless, i fulfilled something I think Tommy gave to me. I am not sure why, call me a spiritualist, but I feel that the timing and push on this was like a calm stream i was set upon to ride. Though I didn’t get to say what I had rehearsed for weeks, but I met the man who allowed Tommy and I to call each other for each movie he came out with. These small things are wonderful and should be received as wonderful. The flower that blooms the day you need it to, the song heard on the radio that brings you back, and the smell of a time you once knew allow us to build the creative worlds we love to live in.

FLIGHT - Delayed

Well, everything in NYC was going okay, but the last day, some crazy lady went ham on our friend, and then as I’m walking down the street, some dude comes up to me and wants to punch me, saying “You comin' up on me?!” Repeatedly, as I tried to assess if he was drugged up, sane, or if I maybe done something to trigger him.

So, I round-house kicked him into the window, and it smashed everywhere. I gave my bag to my wife and then jumped into the store where he was trying to get up. I grabbed a pack of women’s extra-large panties in beige and then beat him with them. I was cheered, and people clapped. One woman wanted me to kiss her child on her forehead and bless it. ( eeehhhh)

Just kidding, ahahahah. Now that's a story, so I almost fought the guy, but I tried complimenting him on his hoodie to see if he’d respond differently, but nope. Eventually, we just walked away, but I kinda wanted to brawl. NYC brawl in the streets sounds super appropriate and cool. Like Raphael in the TMNT movie, when he meets Casey Jones.

Okay, so the next day I catch a cold and soar throat on this plane flight.

Returning, the flight was a sluggish attempt to relax; I never did.

*Here’s the moral of the story: having hope and desires to fulfill are wonderful attributes, if you can accept that if they change, there is just as much hope and wonder in it, nonetheless.

I may not have done what I set out to do in NYC with Wes Anderson, but I ate great pizza, Chinese food, and saw cool stuff with my spouse and lived it up for a break. So did the desire lead me to an adventure that I should be thankful for and appreciate? I think so.